Dating After A Toxic Relationship w. Lilli Bewley

[00:00:00] But the red flag really happens inside of us when we continue to spend time with people that don't align with who we are and our values.

[00:00:06] Because you're right, it's so important that you date yourself first before you start to try and date other people.

[00:00:14] Like how are you helping women through that?

[00:00:17] Welcome to Awaken Her, the podcast where women find their strength and transform their pain into power.

[00:00:23] I'm Corissa Stepp, your guide on this journey of healing, growth, and empowerment.

[00:00:30] Here we share the real stories of women who have faced life's toughest challenges and emerged stronger.

[00:00:37] Together with expert insights to light your path forward.

[00:00:40] Whether you're seeking to heal, grow or empower your life after heartache, Awaken Her is here to show you that not only is change possible, but you are capable of achieving more than you ever imagined.

[00:00:54] Let's dive into today's episode and take another step towards becoming your most empowered self.

[00:01:01] Welcome back everyone to another episode.

[00:01:03] I'm your host, Corissa Stepp.

[00:01:05] And today I am joined by Lily Buehle, who is a dating coach for Finding Love with over 10 years experience in personal development.

[00:01:14] She herself went from just surviving in life to thriving in life and love and purpose.

[00:01:20] Currently she's helping single unsuccessful women love dating and find true love.

[00:01:25] She's on a mission to educate people on how dating can be fun again, even after divorce in their 30s, 40s and 50s.

[00:01:32] And even if they've been single forever.

[00:01:34] Lily, thank you so much for being here.

[00:01:36] I am super excited to have this conversation with you.

[00:01:39] I know that so many of my listeners have gotten divorced and are trying to get back out into the dating world.

[00:01:46] So I'm super excited to have this conversation so that they can hear from you, the expert on why dating can be fun again.

[00:01:54] In the second chapter or third chapter or fourth chapter of their life.

[00:01:58] It's a conversation, right?

[00:01:59] Like it's thanks for having me here, Corissa.

[00:02:01] But it's definitely a conversation that I had to really kind of reframe that I'm sure we'll talk about today about dating, the experiences with dating, online dating, all the things.

[00:02:12] But yeah, super excited to be here.

[00:02:13] Thank you.

[00:02:14] Yeah.

[00:02:14] So how did you get into this first?

[00:02:16] I'd love to just kind of give the listeners a little bit more background into why you became a dating coach.

[00:02:21] Well, it was really based off of the experiences that I went through myself.

[00:02:26] You know, I always like to say that I was born with a big heart.

[00:02:28] Definitely grew up in an environment that was overtly and covertly traumatic.

[00:02:34] And like I said, I was born with this big heart, like loving and caring and kindness is really that's not that's the core of who I am.

[00:02:42] And throughout my journey for decades, I went through really bad, traumatic, unhealthy, toxic relationships.

[00:02:52] And it became a pattern for me that I noticed in my 30s and my 40s.

[00:02:56] And really this journey is all about the way that I see it is about finding ourselves, like figuring out who we are, relearning how to listen to our intuition.

[00:03:08] I think one of the most important things about dating, this is why I chose dating instead of just being like a relationship coach is because I don't know if anyone else is on this level.

[00:03:19] But when I like in my most, my longest kind of abusive relationship was eight years on and off.

[00:03:25] And I was always the one wanting the relationship to be better.

[00:03:29] I was always the one reading the books.

[00:03:31] I was always the one suggesting therapy.

[00:03:33] I was always the one saying, you know, let's have a date night once a week and getting really disappointed when that didn't happen, when he would agree.

[00:03:42] And that didn't happen. So I was always I was like always feeling like I was holding the emotional weight of the relationship.

[00:03:47] But what I didn't realize and what I was never taught or modeled was that who you pick is far more important than love.

[00:03:56] Like love is not all you need, y'all.

[00:03:58] Love is not all you need. All you need is willingness of two people to learn, to grow, to communicate, to have someone's back.

[00:04:07] Willingness is really that's all that we needed.

[00:04:09] But I just never knew that. I never knew that.

[00:04:11] And so the reason I started with dating was because why not from the beginning pick the right person, learn how to listen to yourself, learn how to speak up for yourself, learn how to decide if that person is right for you in an aligned way from the beginning.

[00:04:27] Like learn how to listen to your body and all the signs.

[00:04:29] And you know, people talk a lot about red flags.

[00:04:32] And the thing that's not talked about and rarely discussed about red flags is red flags are what happened inside of us.

[00:04:40] It's not anything about what happens with the other person.

[00:04:44] People will talk about, oh, it was a red flag that I don't know, you know, something obvious like he was like a mean to a server at a restaurant.

[00:04:53] That's a red flag.

[00:04:54] But the red flag really happens inside of us when we continue to spend time with people that don't align with who we are and our values.

[00:05:00] So, I mean, it's a whole conversation.

[00:05:02] But to answer your question, like from where I come from, why not choose from the beginning who to go down and walk down this road with that is going to be willing to grow and to heal and to be better and to to commit, you know, so many different things.

[00:05:18] So, yeah, that's why I don't just do like communication and relationships.

[00:05:21] But why not in the beginning start with the right person?

[00:05:24] I love it. I absolutely love it.

[00:05:25] And I guess like for me, like what I'm thinking about is I'm thinking about my clients, how a lot of them when they come out of really unhealthy or toxic relationships, sometimes they don't even know what it is that they want.

[00:05:36] Like because we do this a lot with like understanding how to set boundaries.

[00:05:40] Like one of the first things we have to do is understand, well, what is important to us?

[00:05:44] What are our values?

[00:05:46] What are our needs?

[00:05:47] And when I ask them those questions, they're like, I have no idea.

[00:05:52] So how can you begin to know who aligns with your values or who is going to be able to grow alongside you if you haven't really started to, I guess, do that work for yourself first?

[00:06:04] So are you helping with like how are you helping women through that?

[00:06:07] 100 percent. And I was the same way as well.

[00:06:09] Right. Like I didn't know who I was.

[00:06:12] I didn't know what my needs and desires were.

[00:06:14] In fact, all of my needs and desires for decades were other people's needs and desires for me.

[00:06:19] Right. Like make the money, get the house, get the car, you know, look pretty, be skinny, you know, all of the things.

[00:06:26] And that's really that wasn't really mine.

[00:06:29] That was other people's. But I made it mine because that's how I filled up my love tank.

[00:06:34] That's how I received validation.

[00:06:36] That's how I received affirmation.

[00:06:38] That was my place in the world.

[00:06:39] My resume looking like banging, you know, looking good.

[00:06:42] So it's a really it's a process and it's a journey.

[00:06:44] Like and I think probably the same work that you do with your clients, Krista, is I take like an inside out approach to dating instead of an outside in, which is a very different model than most most of my colleagues take.

[00:06:55] Most of my colleagues take an outside in approach, which is like, oh, make sure your dating profile.

[00:07:00] And this is our friends and our family, too, which are well-meaning.

[00:07:03] But if it's not really what you want and what you desire, it's going to keep taking you down that road of seeing the same emotionally unavailable people show up in your life.

[00:07:13] It's going to you're going to see the same patterns until we take the outside or excuse me, the inside out approach, which is all about healing the inner parts of ourselves so we can figure out what our needs and desires are.

[00:07:24] And you know, the hardest thing to do, the hardest thing to do and a lot of people, a lot of women come to me when they're at this step is because they've been through failed relationship after failed relationship, divorce after divorce.

[00:07:38] The frustrations in dating again and again and again is they know what they don't want.

[00:07:46] Like you can write out a list of what you don't want, but it really takes inner healing, inner work on your journey to figure out what it is like you're saying what you do want.

[00:07:56] And then manifesting that in real life is really about your actions and your behaviors lining up with your thoughts and your beliefs and your emotions.

[00:08:06] Oh my gosh. So I love that.

[00:08:08] And something that I don't know that I've even shared this ever on the podcast before and I didn't tell you this before in our pre-screening talk.

[00:08:15] I used to be a matchmaker for a very short period of time was actually during COVID and part of my job was doing date coaching, but it was more of how to ask good questions or how to connect with the person across the table, how to present yourself on a date.

[00:08:34] All of these things that were very superficial.

[00:08:37] And what I kept getting frustrated by was that I would send these women out on dates or even men because we had both clients, some are men, some are women.

[00:08:45] And what I noticed was they kept repeating the same patterns every single time.

[00:08:50] And a lot of times they would automatically dismiss someone because they didn't have you know, because they had a dad bod, you know, or they had it was like all these like stupid little things.

[00:09:01] And I kept thinking to myself, but are you really getting to know the person underneath number one and number two?

[00:09:07] Do you really know what's important to you?

[00:09:09] And honestly, it was that experience that propelled me to want to coach people back at the root.

[00:09:16] You know, like going back to like let's understand your patterns.

[00:09:19] Let's understand who you are because you're right.

[00:09:21] It's so important that, and I'll put it this way, that you date yourself first before you start to try and date other people.

[00:09:29] So true. Yeah, and I love that it is all about the root, you know, what's happening inside of us.

[00:09:34] And, you know, that kind of comes to this this precipice or this like impasse that we're at, I think, in personal development, which is, you know, a couple of decades ago, people, it was revolutionary when people would say, oh, you have to love yourself in order to let someone love you.

[00:09:52] And what happened after that is that self-love became transactional.

[00:09:59] And that's the only thing that we learned is, you know, like I've had friends who got who got breast implants to feel more like a woman.

[00:10:06] Right. And that was that was an act of self-love for them at that time.

[00:10:09] You know, the the the baths and the nails and all that stuff are great.

[00:10:13] But what is really great is when you can love yourself even in the mess.

[00:10:21] And that that is where all the inner work comes into play.

[00:10:25] You know, like I just put out a post the other day about self-love isn't it's about your actions and your words, beliefs and behaviors lining up with who you are.

[00:10:34] Right. And that could be boundaries that could be speaking up for yourself.

[00:10:38] Like, I love myself because I speak up for myself and I show up for myself.

[00:10:42] Like, those are my two things for me.

[00:10:44] And I don't know why like that kind of popped in my head.

[00:10:47] But I think like you can just say what I'm saying is that you could just say, oh, I love myself.

[00:10:52] But you're but there's a disconnect between how you act the boundaries that you put up.

[00:10:56] And this is this is dating, you know, but it's also everything, you know, in life.

[00:11:00] Right. So I think it's interesting to talk about, too.

[00:11:03] Yeah, I think you're right. A lot of people had misconstrued like self-care with self-love.

[00:11:07] And that's not it at all.

[00:11:08] It's looking at the good, the bad, the ugly, learning to self-accept yourself in all the ways.

[00:11:14] Right. So not looking at yourself in the mirror and grabbing the little love handles, you know, or the little jiggly parts under your arm.

[00:11:20] Like it starts it can start so small like by just accepting your body.

[00:11:24] Because I think that that often is where a lot of women struggle first.

[00:11:27] And it's like a tangible thing for them to kind of focus on is like, how do I love all of my body first, like my physicality?

[00:11:34] But then we have to do that inner work to love ourselves and all the ways in which we show up.

[00:11:38] Right. Like we have and you and I talked about this, but like we have these different protector parts that show up and these protector parts sometimes.

[00:11:46] You know, I'm not going to say that they're bad or good because no part is good or bad.

[00:11:50] They're all doing their job, which is to protect you and keep you safe.

[00:11:53] But sometimes those parts of us that show up that maybe prevent us from loving ourselves because there's an inner critic part that keeps

[00:12:02] replaying and repeating itself keeps repeating itself, like literally over and over again, like a broken record that will keep us from actually loving ourselves.

[00:12:10] So if we begin to talk to ourselves differently and then not allow someone else to speak to us any differently than we speak to ourselves.

[00:12:18] Right. Like I think that a lot of times I'm sorry, I'm going in circles here, but it's almost like we will accept someone else speaking badly to us.

[00:12:27] Because sometimes it's not as bad as the way we speak to ourselves internally.

[00:12:31] Or it's familiar. Way too familiar.

[00:12:33] Absolutely. Absolutely.

[00:12:35] So I would love to dive into your feminine dating archetypes, if that's OK with you.

[00:12:41] Yeah, absolutely.

[00:12:43] So let me just say this, too.

[00:12:44] I love what you said about the different parts of us and let's just let's normalize us having different parts happening in our psyche, in our mind, in our system, you know, in our inner system, our inner world.

[00:12:56] Because especially with dating, it's super important to realize that all of your mistakes, all of your patterns, all of your the unhealthy things that you don't like about yourself as it relates to dating or even relationships or communicating or whatever.

[00:13:11] Let's just put like a stake at like a line in the sand and just say that it's not you that's doing this right.

[00:13:18] It's a part of you.

[00:13:19] So a part of me, and this is a great segue into the feminine dating archetypes, but a part of me for decades was running my dating life and thinking that casual sex was OK for me when really it wasn't.

[00:13:33] And a lot of people are going to say something about this.

[00:13:35] I'm talking about my experience, but I also invite people or invite women to think about is it you or is it a part of you that really wants connection and that's running your dating life?

[00:13:46] So you're not crazy that you have these different parts inside of you saying, oh, I should eat the carrot if we're talking about dieting or oh, I should eat the ice cream.

[00:13:55] But really, there is now evidence that parts of us actually are can step up like a wounded part of me really wanted connection and really wanted love.

[00:14:05] So would accept things in my love life and relationship life that really weren't good for me.

[00:14:10] So a part of me was just running that show and part of that healing that we're talking about, Chris, that is really learning about these parts, realizing what their purpose is and what their intent is.

[00:14:20] And then having started to have a new relationship with those parts or like, you know, taking over for those parts that the people call them burdens.

[00:14:27] I call them the purpose.

[00:14:28] Like, what's the purpose that these parts have for me?

[00:14:31] Like I said, it was all about I just wanted connection.

[00:14:35] I wanted I wanted love and I would take pretty much anything that part of me would take over and would take pretty much anything from men, for example.

[00:14:43] But it's a little segue into the feminine dating archetypes.

[00:14:46] And so the feminine dating archetypes were given to me by God.

[00:14:52] It was like this crazy rush.

[00:14:54] People call it a download of me looking at my dating experience, my relationship experience currently in the most amazing relationship I've ever had in my life.

[00:15:05] The most amazing man that I've ever known.

[00:15:07] Literally, God gave him to me, literally sat him in my lap was crazy.

[00:15:12] But God kind of showed me this pattern that I had gone through through my healing journey, my actions, my behaviors, my thoughts, my beliefs, and then combined with a lot of different modalities and theories that I've studied.

[00:15:28] But I've also applied to myself and then I looked at my clients and the experience that they were going through.

[00:15:34] And what I noticed was four different archetypes or four different phases, you could say.

[00:15:40] Some people get stuck in a phase and that's when it becomes archetypal.

[00:15:43] But it's these four different phases that women go through when they are dating.

[00:15:49] Do you want me to kind of go through them?

[00:15:50] Like, how do you want to do it?

[00:15:52] Yeah, I would absolutely love that.

[00:15:54] And I also just wanted to like, you know, the modalities and everything that you kind of brought into this was, you know, it sounds like obviously you've got like that IFS parts kind of modality.

[00:16:04] You've got like attachment style and polyvagal theory kind of all playing into all of this, which I love because that's so much of the work that I do.

[00:16:12] So I just wanted to highlight that, that I think that like your archetypes, because we've talked about them before, are brilliant.

[00:16:17] And yes, let's just dive right into them because I would love for the listeners to hear what they are and then see who they see themselves in.

[00:16:25] And then if we can give them some advice as to how to kind of move forward.

[00:16:27] Totally. And yeah, you're exactly right.

[00:16:29] You've got polyvagal, it's a mix of polyvagal parts.

[00:16:33] Like I said, my experience, attachment theory and really what I really love about the archetypes is number one, you can go take your archetype.

[00:16:40] It takes or take the quiz.

[00:16:41] It takes like two minutes and it reveals, you know, your blocks to love and find your true love match.

[00:16:47] It's at datingarchetype.com.

[00:16:49] I'm sure you're going to have that in the show notes.

[00:16:50] But what I love is it really kind of shows women number one, that they can move.

[00:16:56] They're not stuck in this cycle because there's always a better way.

[00:16:59] And secondly, that you're not alone.

[00:17:01] You know, when I when I would talk to my friends and my family about the struggles that I was having in dating and relationships, it's just like, oh, go have fun, go have fun.

[00:17:10] And Lily could not just go have fun and stay aligned with who she was and invite, you know, amazing people in her life.

[00:17:17] Right. Or there are many fish in the sea.

[00:17:19] You know, like that kind of thing does not work or it didn't work for me because I really had to do the inner work of what we're talking about, of finding out who I am, what I wanted.

[00:17:28] I had to relearn how to listen to my intuition, listen to my body, how to set boundaries, how to know who was good for me and who was not because I didn't learn those skills.

[00:17:38] So that's kind of, you know, that's an invitation for women, you know, just to let you know that you're not alone in this process if you feel like you're alone.

[00:17:45] But we'll start with the chill woman.

[00:17:47] The chill woman is super familiar with overwhelming anxiety and dating.

[00:17:52] And this tends to flare up in a span about 24 to 48 hours after not hearing from the other person.

[00:17:57] I remember when I was a chill woman, I was on the apps, you know, I would stay up really late chatting with with, you know, a potential suitor, you know, joking and stuff or whatever.

[00:18:07] Totally crossed my boundaries for sleep, stay up all night and next morning, ghosted.

[00:18:12] Right. And sadly, the chill woman tends to be ghosted a lot and she doesn't really understand why.

[00:18:17] Sometimes the chill woman tends to have sex pretty quickly after meeting someone, even if she's promised herself that she wouldn't or she promises herself or convinces herself.

[00:18:26] Another part convinces herself that it's OK that she can handle it.

[00:18:30] But in reality, she ends up catching feelings and it just ends up not good.

[00:18:33] She tends to attract men who just want to hang out and chill and will not commit.

[00:18:38] And she normally says yes to these kind of like noncommittal types of, you know, energetic exchanges, I guess you could say, because she really craves connection.

[00:18:47] And in the past, the chill woman has complained of not being seen and not being heard.

[00:18:51] You're not seeing me. You're not hearing me.

[00:18:53] That's a major complaint for the chill woman.

[00:18:56] What the chill woman really wants is to know that people are going to be there and not leave.

[00:19:01] And this is like family. This is this is dating.

[00:19:04] This is relationships. The opportunity for the chill woman is to heal the abandonment things that have happened for her in her past.

[00:19:13] And the other thing for the chill woman, the opportunity for the chill woman to do if this was anyone that's listening, is to see and hear and understand all parts of herself.

[00:19:23] She has some good girl parts.

[00:19:24] She has some caregiver parts.

[00:19:26] She has some some coach parts.

[00:19:29] There's a lot of parts, but we have we have thousands of parts inside of ourselves.

[00:19:32] But that's the opportunity for the chill woman.

[00:19:34] Does that make sense? Do you know any chill women?

[00:19:36] Yeah, no, that's I mean, to me, I'm like, OK, you're explaining anxious attachment right there.

[00:19:41] Yes, I know plenty of women that are like that for sure.

[00:19:43] It's like always chasing the happiness outside of themselves.

[00:19:47] Right. Like they're always looking for that external validation, that external approval or, you know, looking for that love outside of themselves as opposed to finding it within them.

[00:19:57] Girl, and we get good at that.

[00:19:59] We get so good.

[00:20:01] I mean, you know, I was that for decades, like until I think about 2016.

[00:20:05] And we get so good at that.

[00:20:07] And we we we begin to think that this is our this is who we are and our identity.

[00:20:13] The crazy thing about parts, too, is that if we're part forward instead of self forward, like I you know, I always want to not always because I'm compassionate with myself.

[00:20:21] But 80 percent of the time, I want to be my highest self, you know, and use whatever use whatever word that you want.

[00:20:27] You know, like self self or, you know, whatever word it is.

[00:20:30] But we that part of me like that was just a part of me for decades that led the show.

[00:20:36] You know, like that was my personality.

[00:20:38] That was who I was.

[00:20:39] You know, all that stuff.

[00:20:40] And not to say that I'm like at my core, a different person, but definitely that part got really good at getting all of that admiration and validation and attention and things like that.

[00:20:51] Yeah, I think that a lot of to me, it's like the chill woman I imagine would have, you know, probably people pleased with that.

[00:20:56] I think that's the part that would be showing up quite often, you know.

[00:21:00] Yeah, for sure.

[00:21:01] For sure.

[00:21:02] And so the other thing I was thinking about it, you know, the chill women can get very stuck in that pain pleasure cycle or just be addicted to the chaos.

[00:21:10] Because if they know how to calm the chaos by giving more of themselves, right?

[00:21:19] And then having those boundaries that would stop them from self sacrificing or self abandoning, then they get back to the pleasure, hopefully.

[00:21:26] Like that's kind of like the goal, right?

[00:21:28] But it's that fear of, oh, they're going to leave me if I don't make amends, if I don't put out, if I don't give more of myself.

[00:21:37] But if I keep proving to them that I'm worthy, that I'm valuable, then they're going to stay.

[00:21:42] And then it heals that, you know, or temporarily satisfies that fear of abandonment, that fear of rejection.

[00:21:48] Yeah. And that's the work, you know, that's the work for the chill woman.

[00:21:51] And, you know, people listen to this and they're like, every time I go on a podcast, it's like, well, Lily, what can I do?

[00:21:56] And, you know, I think we've pretty much said this today, but I'll say it again and reiterate that from where from where I sit and where I stand, there's no like tip trick strategy or hack to like to heal this.

[00:22:08] There's no like there's no breathwork.

[00:22:09] There's no, you know, meditation, all good tools.

[00:22:12] But it's really about the inner work and the inner journey that we have to do within ourselves to kind of get to this place where, you know, we'll talk about it.

[00:22:20] But I always I always strive to be the fourth archetype, which is the magnetic woman.

[00:22:24] We can talk about that. But yeah, totally.

[00:22:27] But we can move on. Do you want to move on to the fortress woman?

[00:22:30] Yes, let's do that.

[00:22:31] OK, so the fortress woman is the next kind of phase that I went through.

[00:22:35] And it's the next one that people can get stuck in because I see this all of the time.

[00:22:39] The fortress woman, like I always say, the fortress woman has a wall the size of the Great Wall of China around her heart.

[00:22:46] She has been hurt by love before, like hurt, hurt, hurt.

[00:22:49] So the only way to defend her heart is to not let someone in.

[00:22:52] And this is like, again, these are themes, right?

[00:22:55] Like this is friendships.

[00:22:57] This is dating. This is love.

[00:22:59] This is family. She finds it really, really hard to trust other people.

[00:23:04] Just that's it. And she'll say and the fourth this is hard for the fortress woman.

[00:23:09] To hear because she will say that she's fine.

[00:23:12] She will say, I'm when I was a fortress woman on my vision board,

[00:23:16] I had a big house on my vision board with like five thousand dogs, just me alone.

[00:23:22] And I was going to be fine and I was going to be happy.

[00:23:26] And I was going to be good, which I was.

[00:23:28] And it would probably be fine.

[00:23:30] But, you know, there is, as we probably know, because we are in relationship,

[00:23:34] there is an enhancement when you find the right people just in friends or like everything.

[00:23:38] Job money, relationships, dating.

[00:23:41] When we find the right people that enhance who we are in our growth,

[00:23:45] it is million times in my experience, a billion times better

[00:23:49] than if we're just doing life solo and alone.

[00:23:52] So that's kind of where the fortress woman sits.

[00:23:53] If the fortress woman is dating, she finds fault

[00:23:58] with the other person really quickly.

[00:24:01] Like probably there's a little bit of fortress women in those those women

[00:24:03] that said dad bod out.

[00:24:06] So she finds fault with other people really quickly.

[00:24:08] And she's really, really critical of other people, especially men, like on the apps.

[00:24:13] She's the first one to to delete swipe left or block or whatever.

[00:24:18] There's a part of the fortress woman that doesn't want to be alone,

[00:24:21] but there's a stronger part that doesn't want to feel pain.

[00:24:25] And the healing for the fortress woman is all focused around vulnerability

[00:24:30] and trust within herself, not with other people,

[00:24:33] but the vulnerability and trust.

[00:24:35] Like what parts of herself have she has she unconsciously walled off

[00:24:39] inside of herself because of the pain and the hurt that she's experienced before.

[00:24:44] And the work for her is to get to know those parts of herself.

[00:24:48] Yeah, that makes sense.

[00:24:49] So this would be more like the avoidant, right?

[00:24:53] Yeah, an attachment style.

[00:24:53] So it's interesting because I guess like the way I'm thinking about it

[00:24:57] even is her deep desire really is to belong,

[00:25:02] but she's never felt safe enough doing that in a way that didn't mean disappointment,

[00:25:08] right, that didn't lead to disappointment or to some kind of hurt.

[00:25:11] Yeah, belong is a great one, too.

[00:25:14] She has to belong inside of herself.

[00:25:16] So there have been parts inside of her that have been unconsciously kept in the dark

[00:25:21] because when she had like what you're saying is when she has brought those parts forward,

[00:25:26] it's been with the wrong people.

[00:25:27] So and they've, you know, for lack of a better term, probably abused overtly

[00:25:32] or covertly abused that vulnerable part of her.

[00:25:35] So it's just it's just pushed down.

[00:25:38] And this is all like unconscious and subconscious.

[00:25:41] My hope is that someone listens to this and maybe doesn't doesn't consciously identify

[00:25:47] with it, but I do, you know, if you are feeling emotion or if you're feeling

[00:25:52] maybe too seen or too hurt, then there probably is something inside of you that

[00:25:57] that maybe you've pushed down in order to protect yourself, which makes complete sense.

[00:26:01] Right. Yeah. I mean, I could even see how a lot of women who may have started out

[00:26:06] as chill maybe when they were younger and then have had these life experiences

[00:26:10] where they've been hurt over and over and over again, becoming more of the

[00:26:12] fortress woman over time.

[00:26:14] And I think that a lot of times, even when people are healing from, you know,

[00:26:18] unhealthy relationships, there can be that pendulum swing, right, where maybe they

[00:26:22] had been very chill and then they swing all the way over to the fortress side.

[00:26:26] And then eventually at some point, you kind of find yourself somewhere in the

[00:26:30] middle between those two, which would, you know, we can talk about where that

[00:26:33] leads us. But what's the next archetype after the fortress woman?

[00:26:37] Yeah. And I raise my hand to that, Carissa.

[00:26:39] Like that was me for sure.

[00:26:40] You know, like Fortress Woman is our functional and when we heal

[00:26:47] because there is some kind of protection that we need in order to make it

[00:26:51] like a container for our healing.

[00:26:53] But if we're getting in this in this pattern of not opening ourselves up to

[00:26:58] trust other people, not learning to trust ourselves, and that's where it gets

[00:27:02] a little bit dicey from the way that I see it.

[00:27:04] The next one is the goddess woman.

[00:27:06] And everyone's always like, oh, the goddess woman, because it's so like on

[00:27:09] Instagram, you know, whatever the books and all that stuff.

[00:27:13] The goddess woman is like the ethereal beauty.

[00:27:17] And again, this is not good or bad.

[00:27:18] This just is. You know, let's just say that.

[00:27:20] So there's no good or bad archetype.

[00:27:22] But there's something that you can identify with and there's something

[00:27:24] you can work towards, which is the way that I like to see it.

[00:27:27] So the goddess woman is super confused by love.

[00:27:30] She has been through it in her life.

[00:27:33] Like she's been through it.

[00:27:34] She's into personal growth.

[00:27:35] She's into to personal fulfillment.

[00:27:38] She's been in and therapy or coaching or she's been doing her inner work

[00:27:42] for at least like six months or more.

[00:27:43] That woman that we talked about before of knowing what she doesn't want

[00:27:48] but can't seem seem to get what she wants in real life.

[00:27:52] That's the goddess woman.

[00:27:53] Like she knows that she is worthy, but her actions, behaviors,

[00:27:56] thoughts and beliefs do not line up with that worthiness.

[00:27:59] Right. So she thinks that she wants to be in the dating world.

[00:28:03] But the people and the men that she's attracting either aren't at her level

[00:28:08] or she kind of she tends to betray herself as well.

[00:28:11] And a lot of that is because her outward perception, like her

[00:28:15] her Instagram or what she's presenting to her friends and her family

[00:28:18] is very different than what she's feeling inside.

[00:28:21] So there's there's a disconnect between

[00:28:25] what her outward perception is and what's happening inside of her.

[00:28:28] There's herself, especially in her dating and relationship life.

[00:28:31] She does have a need or she she does say that she wants a conscious relationship.

[00:28:36] But again, those conscious types of people either aren't good enough

[00:28:40] for her or they're boring, which is interesting.

[00:28:42] Like you talked about chaos.

[00:28:44] Yeah, that makes sense.

[00:28:45] That completely makes sense because we're not comfortable in the boredom.

[00:28:48] Right. Because it's not really boredom.

[00:28:50] It's just calm.

[00:28:51] And if you're so if you've come from this place where because obviously,

[00:28:53] like if this goddess has done a lot of self-development work,

[00:28:56] she's clearly been a chill woman or a fortress woman at some point in her life.

[00:29:00] So she is still addicted to that chaos cycle.

[00:29:03] Or from my client's perspective, they might still even be trauma bonded

[00:29:08] to a past love where like they're so used to that cycle of abuse,

[00:29:12] that like love bombing and then the devaluation of the discard.

[00:29:15] Or like that whole that whole chaos cycle right there.

[00:29:17] And so I can totally, totally understand that consciously she knows, right?

[00:29:23] Like she consciously knows she is worthy.

[00:29:26] But there is that disconnect in the subconscious mind because the beliefs

[00:29:32] and her, you know, parts that are showing up that are her protective strategies

[00:29:36] her nervous system coming in to be like, you're not safe.

[00:29:38] This is not safe because it hasn't been safe in the past

[00:29:41] because she's running from that subconscious programming

[00:29:43] that's still telling her that she still has a perception of danger

[00:29:47] in these relationships, right?

[00:29:49] And it could be from if she's a fortress woman, it could be

[00:29:52] though being vulnerable is not safe, right?

[00:29:54] Or if it's the chill woman, it's like there's a fear that, you know,

[00:29:57] someone's always going to leave because that's the pattern that happens

[00:30:00] time and time again.

[00:30:01] People are always walking out on me.

[00:30:03] And so, you know, I can totally see how there would be a complete disconnect.

[00:30:07] But that's where that real deep inner work has to happen,

[00:30:10] where you get everything on the same page, right?

[00:30:13] Where you work with your nervous system, where you work with these different parts.

[00:30:17] You learn how to unblend from them in order to show up in your true and higher self,

[00:30:21] which I'm guessing leads us to the magnetic woman.

[00:30:24] Yeah, the magnetic woman is next.

[00:30:26] And yeah, just what you're saying, Chris, is like the healing

[00:30:29] for the goddess woman is about control and about perfectionism.

[00:30:34] Those are some really deep ones, right?

[00:30:36] Because the control and perfectionism are really drivers for her.

[00:30:41] And they have they have helped her get to where she is.

[00:30:45] But that that gap between I always call it like the gap,

[00:30:49] the size of the Grand Canyon again, from like knowing what you what you want

[00:30:52] and what you deserve and actually getting it in real life is really about

[00:30:55] like like you're saying that deep inner work,

[00:30:58] the energetics of who you are presenting yourself,

[00:31:01] you know, which leads us into the magnetic woman.

[00:31:03] And the magnetic woman is the woman that I aspire to be.

[00:31:06] Like I said, I give myself leeway because I still have my mess ups.

[00:31:10] But 80 percent of the time, you know, I wanted I I strive

[00:31:14] to be the magnetic woman.

[00:31:16] My clients strive to be the magnetic woman and heal as a goal

[00:31:19] to be the magnetic woman.

[00:31:20] And then that magnetic woman knows who she is and what she wants.

[00:31:25] Her act again, like her actions, behaviors, thoughts

[00:31:28] and beliefs lines up with what she knows in her head.

[00:31:31] She honors herself by setting and sticking to dating boundaries.

[00:31:36] Right. Like she knows what is good for her.

[00:31:38] And she backs that up again with her actions and behaviors.

[00:31:42] She's loving and caring of herself when she messes up.

[00:31:45] Like what people don't talk about in personal development

[00:31:48] is that the parts of us that have been driving us through our lives

[00:31:52] can really push us, you know, very far, you know, in personal development.

[00:31:55] But it pushes us further away.

[00:31:58] That the culture tends to push us further away from the actual

[00:32:01] the self-compassion, the inner self-compassion and the inner self-love

[00:32:05] that we actually really, really need to get to that next level

[00:32:09] of wherever that we are, where we are.

[00:32:12] Her internal worth and magnetism have moved again from her head to her body.

[00:32:17] And she again, like she knows how to receive love.

[00:32:20] And again, like that's a whole other conversation

[00:32:22] about this feminine masculine dynamics. It's all out there.

[00:32:26] I have things to say, but it's not just about, oh, I'm ready to receive.

[00:32:29] It's actually it feels really unsafe to receive.

[00:32:33] And why? And heal that right.

[00:32:35] She asked for what she wants and it's OK either way. Right.

[00:32:38] Like that's the secure attachment piece.

[00:32:40] She you know, she's OK either way with asking for what she needs.

[00:32:45] In dating, she recognizes really quickly

[00:32:48] whether someone is right for her or not.

[00:32:49] Like it doesn't take three or four months to realize that this person is a douche.

[00:32:53] Right. Like she knows pretty much from the get go and she's able to act on it.

[00:32:56] Right. You don't just the magnetic woman doesn't just go out on a date

[00:33:00] just to see what happens.

[00:33:02] Like there's intention and purpose behind it.

[00:33:05] She is again, she's like really patient.

[00:33:07] Like the magnetic woman for me is like this woman

[00:33:10] that was hard to put into words, but she like walks into a room at a party

[00:33:15] and the whole energy is sucked out.

[00:33:17] And it's not because of what she looks like.

[00:33:19] It's not because of her outside beauty.

[00:33:21] It's the energy in the way she carries herself.

[00:33:23] It's the way her shoulders are back.

[00:33:25] Her neck is straight when she when she speaks up.

[00:33:29] There's it's not about what she says.

[00:33:31] It's about how she says it. Right.

[00:33:33] And this is talk about the inner healing work to get to the magnetic woman

[00:33:37] is so profound and so deep,

[00:33:41] especially if we've been through abusive relationships,

[00:33:45] abusive and traumatic childhoods or whatever was modeled for us.

[00:33:49] Getting to this point of the magnetic woman is something that we cannot conceive.

[00:33:53] I couldn't conceive this, that people would react to me this way

[00:33:56] or follow me in this way or admire me in this way or love me in this way

[00:34:01] until I actually kind of got here.

[00:34:02] So it's really hard to conceptualize.

[00:34:04] I feel like until you're there, does it make sense?

[00:34:06] It does make sense.

[00:34:07] But I just wanted to say one thing,

[00:34:09] because I feel like the image that you painted seems like perfection in some way.

[00:34:13] Right. And so I just want to caution people to not again,

[00:34:17] like dip into that low expression of like,

[00:34:19] I have to be perfect in order to magnetize the right people.

[00:34:23] What you need to do is just literally be yourself,

[00:34:25] because when you are in your true highest self,

[00:34:29] you are going to be confident.

[00:34:31] You're going to be calm. You're going to be courageous.

[00:34:34] You're going to be compassionate.

[00:34:35] You're going to be curious. Right.

[00:34:37] Because I think that a lot of times, like we can see this archetype

[00:34:41] and be like, oh, she must know it all already.

[00:34:43] And no, absolutely not.

[00:34:45] It's like, no, you have that vulnerability to show that you don't know everything

[00:34:49] and you can ask questions.

[00:34:51] And you do want to connect with people with vulnerability

[00:34:54] and get to that next layer, right?

[00:34:56] To get those intimate connections with people where you can feel supported,

[00:35:01] but also ask for support.

[00:35:03] Because I think that was the other thing that you sort of mentioned

[00:35:05] where receiving love is a big thing, but you know what also is hard?

[00:35:08] Asking for help when you need help.

[00:35:11] Absolutely. Yeah. No, I love that call out because that's

[00:35:14] that's the goddess woman right there. And that was me when I was in the

[00:35:18] I was in the goddess woman stage probably for like a year, two years,

[00:35:22] something like that.

[00:35:23] But I would read about how I'm supposed to be and I would act that out.

[00:35:28] Like that performer part of me was huge in the goddess woman again,

[00:35:31] which goddess woman is like outward perception doesn't match inner experience.

[00:35:35] And so totally, you know, it's not as easy as walking into a room

[00:35:41] with your shoulders back in your in your in your neck straight.

[00:35:44] It's about the energy behind all of that.

[00:35:47] It's about like you say, who you are.

[00:35:49] But if you're at all like me, I didn't know who the who I was for decades.

[00:35:53] Right. Like at my core, you know, like at my core, loving, caring and kind.

[00:35:58] And that's hard in a world that judges us by what we look like,

[00:36:02] how much we weigh, what's on our resume, what kind of car we drive,

[00:36:06] especially when we're dating, you know, we can kind of feel like that.

[00:36:09] We were competing, you know, in a way.

[00:36:11] And I was good at competing. Really, really good. Right.

[00:36:14] So it's like the the jump from the goddess woman

[00:36:18] to the magnetic woman is harder than just portraying

[00:36:22] what you think the magnetic woman could be.

[00:36:26] And you can absolutely get there if you elect and, you know, asking for help,

[00:36:30] electing into support or, you know, trying to do the inner work yourself

[00:36:35] or whatever it is, wherever you are on your journey.

[00:36:37] Yeah. I was also going to say, like,

[00:36:39] because something else that came up as you were talking was, you know,

[00:36:42] the the goddess woman might still be trapped in a pattern of codependent

[00:36:48] habits, whereas the magnetic woman is more she's learned

[00:36:53] how to exit that drama triangle.

[00:36:54] She's learned how to exit out of those codependent relationships

[00:36:57] because she's become really good at setting and expressing

[00:37:00] and reasserting her boundaries so that she no longer,

[00:37:05] you know, is in those codependent relationships, but she's more interdependent.

[00:37:08] And when you're interdependent, that doesn't mean hyper independent.

[00:37:12] That just means that you are able to, again, like ask for what you need.

[00:37:16] You're allowed your you're setting boundaries in a different way,

[00:37:19] because I think that, you know, the fortress woman.

[00:37:21] I'm sorry. I'm getting all caught up in boundaries here, but I'm like,

[00:37:24] OK, the anxious, the chill woman has no boundaries.

[00:37:26] The fortress woman is not setting boundaries.

[00:37:28] She's actually setting walls. She's putting up walls.

[00:37:30] The goddess woman is, OK, I'm setting boundaries,

[00:37:33] but those boundaries don't allow for deeper communication.

[00:37:36] You know, it basically it's like, OK, I'm setting the boundary and that's it.

[00:37:39] I'm done. I'm able to tell people what I won't tolerate.

[00:37:42] And that's it.

[00:37:43] Whereas the goddess woman is going to set boundaries and she's going to say,

[00:37:47] when this happened, I felt this way.

[00:37:50] What I would have preferred is if you could have done this instead,

[00:37:54] I would have felt supported, right?

[00:37:56] Or I would have felt more supported had you behaved this way

[00:37:59] or said something in this way or whatever it might have been like.

[00:38:02] There's a whole other part and component of setting that boundary

[00:38:05] that allows for empathy.

[00:38:07] It allows for connection.

[00:38:09] It allows for vulnerability, because when we set boundaries in that way,

[00:38:13] our relationships are filled with mutual respect

[00:38:18] because we're asking for it and we're also giving it at the same time.

[00:38:22] That's beautiful, beautifully said.

[00:38:23] And I think that the transition for me from if we're talking about

[00:38:28] boundaries in particular, from the goddess woman to the magnetic woman

[00:38:32] is that with the goddess woman, boundaries and requests,

[00:38:36] if they were not heard in the way that I thought that they should be heard,

[00:38:40] then it was disruptive to my inner system.

[00:38:43] The transition from the magnetic woman and boundaries

[00:38:46] in particular, requests in particular is and this doesn't have to be you,

[00:38:50] but I'm talking about specifically about my experience is just requesting

[00:38:56] what you need with the compassion and love inside of yourself is enough.

[00:39:03] So a lot of times with my partner currently,

[00:39:07] you know, a lot of a lot of if we want to get really deep,

[00:39:09] a lot of where boundaries come from are about our core wounds. Right.

[00:39:13] It's about the core.

[00:39:14] Like I have three or four really deep core wounds that will always come up.

[00:39:19] You know, and that's another thing about personal development.

[00:39:21] If you want things to go away inside of yourself, that is let's reframe that

[00:39:27] and let's just say and love that thing that's coming up for you.

[00:39:30] Like for me, you know, a lot about my weight.

[00:39:32] I have a big core wound about, you know, my weight not being perfect as I am.

[00:39:36] So that's a core room that comes up a lot in my relationship.

[00:39:39] And what happens now in the magnetic woman stage of my life, hopefully,

[00:39:44] you know, through the rest of my life.

[00:39:45] But, you know, I'm sure I'll dip back again.

[00:39:47] 80 percent. I give myself a little bit of love and leeway.

[00:39:49] Is that just speaking up for my core wounds is what those

[00:39:53] inner parts of me need to see and hear. Right.

[00:39:56] And it doesn't matter so much anymore

[00:40:00] because I picked the right person, first of all.

[00:40:02] You know, for now.

[00:40:04] And secondly, me just speaking up and showing up for myself in that way

[00:40:07] and those inner parts of me, it's just it's enough. Right.

[00:40:10] So that's the difference between think that's the gap between

[00:40:13] if we're talking about boundaries and requests in particular

[00:40:16] from the goddess woman to the magnetic woman.

[00:40:17] Does that make sense?

[00:40:18] It makes sense.

[00:40:19] And what I was thinking of is like even just acknowledging

[00:40:22] those inner parts of you and you hearing and seeing them

[00:40:25] and witnessing them and understanding them is enough is what you're

[00:40:29] is what I'm getting. Yes.

[00:40:30] And then the other part is, is that I could also I also wanted to touch

[00:40:33] back on the boundaries part, which is the magnetic woman is also going to

[00:40:38] be able to compromise when she needs to on her boundaries.

[00:40:43] That does not cause her to self abandon or to self sacrifice,

[00:40:49] but she can still be open in a relationship that's healthy

[00:40:53] to compromise on some things, because obviously, like sometimes

[00:40:57] like our needs and our partners needs, there might be a conflict, right?

[00:41:00] Or there could be other things that come to light and having the ability

[00:41:03] to communicate and not just be like, no, this is my boundary

[00:41:07] and put a stake in the ground.

[00:41:08] And the goddess might just be like, no, done.

[00:41:10] You're out, you know, like cross the boundary.

[00:41:12] We're done.

[00:41:13] Whereas the magnetic woman might be like, OK, they're across the boundary.

[00:41:17] We're going to have a conversation about it.

[00:41:19] We're going to talk about it.

[00:41:20] And maybe maybe I was overreacting, right?

[00:41:22] Or maybe this is not something that I need to have in this relationship

[00:41:26] because you're you do respect me or whatever it is.

[00:41:29] Like we can get into so many hypotheticals.

[00:41:31] But yeah, and then like, you know, we throughout this kind of conversation

[00:41:35] about the dating feminine dating archetypes, it's a lot about,

[00:41:38] you know, we haven't explicitly talked about it, but it's a lot

[00:41:40] about the nervous system, too.

[00:41:42] So it seems like that you talk a lot about or in your practice.

[00:41:44] I don't know, you know, on the podcast, I'm sure as well.

[00:41:47] And so the magnetic woman, she's mostly regulated,

[00:41:49] like self regulated in her nervous system.

[00:41:51] So what that means basically is that talking about as it relates

[00:41:55] to other people is that she can let other people be who they are,

[00:42:00] do what they do, have their journey, have their issues,

[00:42:04] have their, you know, bad communication or whatever it is

[00:42:08] about the other person that she doesn't like.

[00:42:10] Right. Or whatever.

[00:42:11] Or it's not favorable.

[00:42:13] And talk about this interdependence.

[00:42:16] She can be who she is and stay aligned with who she is

[00:42:19] and still and the nervous system regulation.

[00:42:22] I call it the dating your dating nervous system. Right.

[00:42:24] And we can go through all of these archetypes and be like, OK, this is

[00:42:28] her nervous system is there.

[00:42:29] You don't have enough time today.

[00:42:30] But the magnetic woman has this this this and it's she's

[00:42:34] regulated on the inside, not because of breathwork.

[00:42:37] I love breathwork.

[00:42:38] You know, I just want to say, like all of the tools are amazing.

[00:42:41] But that's what happens when you do this in our healing work

[00:42:44] and you start to listen to yourself as you just really become

[00:42:46] regulated within yourself.

[00:42:48] And she's regulated enough to let other people be who they are.

[00:42:51] And especially this is so important in dating, is that when you can sit back

[00:42:56] and you can let other people be who they are, that's when you know

[00:43:00] if they are aligning with your values or not. Right.

[00:43:02] It's not your values.

[00:43:04] I don't want to say this because I don't want to say this is good or bad.

[00:43:07] But like for me, for example, some of my values was about,

[00:43:10] you know, financially stable.

[00:43:12] Well, what does that mean?

[00:43:13] You know, like, what does that mean?

[00:43:14] What if what if someone's financially stable and he's mean?

[00:43:19] You know, so like there's no there's no black and white.

[00:43:22] And the magnetic woman is OK in that gray area because she's regulated in herself.

[00:43:27] Yeah, no, absolutely. I love that.

[00:43:28] And I think that, like, when you are regulated,

[00:43:30] you're able to observe people objectively to your point

[00:43:33] so that you can much more easily actually listen to yourself

[00:43:36] and your intuition as to is this the right person for me?

[00:43:38] Because you're going to tune then more into your body,

[00:43:41] into what how you're feeling inside, you know, which is your first clue

[00:43:45] as to whether or not something is right or good for you,

[00:43:48] as opposed to just going to that flash judgment of no, they don't have this.

[00:43:52] They don't check this box, you know, or whatever it might be.

[00:43:55] So I love this. This has been so, so helpful.

[00:43:59] Can you just give us like the one reason why dating can be fun

[00:44:03] once we kind of know all of this?

[00:44:05] Because we've talked about the archetypes, but then it's like, OK,

[00:44:08] well, now what happens?

[00:44:08] Like now we're like thrown into the dating world.

[00:44:10] We kind of know who we we know, how we behave or how we show up

[00:44:13] potentially. But like, how does it become fun from here?

[00:44:16] Good question.

[00:44:17] I think it's fun when I'm able and joyful

[00:44:21] when I'm able to listen to myself, speak up for myself

[00:44:24] and stay in line with who I am.

[00:44:25] And so fun. That's the way that I describe fun.

[00:44:29] Like, you know, you can try again, like all the other teachers

[00:44:33] in this area are like, oh, make it fun, make it joyful.

[00:44:36] But if it's not you or, you know, like I had friends

[00:44:39] that used to tell me, oh, don't go so deep on first dates.

[00:44:42] But I'm a deep person.

[00:44:44] You know, my current partner, we have the deepest conversations

[00:44:47] and it's amazing.

[00:44:48] And it's like blows my mind sometimes about who this man is.

[00:44:52] So here's what I want to leave people with is that

[00:44:56] I know that you the if you're dating or if you're about to date

[00:44:59] or whatever, the conversation in the world today is about dating

[00:45:04] and dating sucks. I've said this. I've been in this.

[00:45:07] So it's not about that dating sucks.

[00:45:10] It's not that dating sucks.

[00:45:11] It's that your experience with dating sucks.

[00:45:14] So everything that we've talked about today, the healing,

[00:45:17] the deep inner work, the identification of who you are on the feminine

[00:45:20] dating archetype is about changing your experience.

[00:45:25] And for me, the fun and the joy come in

[00:45:28] not repeating the same patterns of my past, realizing that three,

[00:45:33] you know, I don't know, maybe 10 years ago,

[00:45:36] I would have definitely gone down that road and then celebrating myself

[00:45:39] because I'm not, you know, I think that's fun and that's joyful.

[00:45:42] Again, define that for whatever and never whatever way you want.

[00:45:46] Oh, my gosh, I love that. Thank you so much.

[00:45:48] This has been such a great conversation.

[00:45:50] And we definitely need to have you come back on

[00:45:52] because there's still a part two and maybe even a part three

[00:45:54] and four to have to this conversation because it's so multilayered.

[00:45:57] And it's so deep. And I love having you here.

[00:46:00] I love the work that you're doing.

[00:46:01] Thank you so much.

[00:46:02] And listeners, we are going to have all of Lily's information,

[00:46:05] contact information, her dating archetype quiz.

[00:46:08] The link will be in the show notes.

[00:46:09] So make sure that you reach out, that you connect with her,

[00:46:12] that you take the quiz.

[00:46:13] And again, Lily, thank you so much for this amazing conversation.

[00:46:17] Thank you. I appreciate you, Carissa.

[00:46:20] All right, everyone, till next week, be well.

[00:46:24] Thank you for tuning in to Awaken Her.

[00:46:26] Today's conversation may have ended,

[00:46:28] but your journey towards healing and empowerment is ongoing.

[00:46:31] Remember, every challenge you face is an opportunity

[00:46:34] to grow stronger and more resilient.

[00:46:37] If our stories today inspired you, consider sharing this episode

[00:46:40] with someone who needs these empowering messages.

[00:46:43] I'm Carissa Stepp, cheering you on as you take the steps

[00:46:46] to heal, grow and transform your life.

[00:46:49] Keep believing in yourself.

[00:46:50] And until next time, stay empowered.