This moment episode discusses the vital role of processing emotions, particularly grief and anger, for mental health. Corissa and Aypril highlight how holding in emotions like anger can negatively impact the nervous system, likening it to trying to hold a beach ball underwater. They emphasize the significance of creating safe spaces, whether with a coach or therapist, for individuals to fully express and process their feelings. The conversation also delves into how societal discomfort with emotions can lead to repression and the importance of allowing oneself the time and space to work through grief without judgment or pressure. The episode concludes by advising against comparing one's capacity to handle stress with others, stressing that everyone's 'swimming pool' of emotional capacity is different.
01:26 The Role of Coaches and Therapists
01:50 Dealing with Emotional Shutdown
03:34 Creating a Safe Space for Emotional Expression
04:39 The Importance of Processing Anger
05:52 Empowerment and Reclaiming Control
06:59 The Fear of Unleashing Emotions
07:47 The Beach Ball Analogy for Stress
08:28 Avoiding Comparisons in Emotional Processing
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Corissa is a Holistic Trauma-Informed Coach & Narcissistic Abuse Specialist™ who empowers women after they’ve endured narcissist trauma to rediscover who they are, reclaim their power, and find the clarity and courage to move forward and live a life they love. Corissa is also a recovering people-pleaser and codependent who has endured way too many narcissistic relationships to count! She coaches not only from her knowledge and training but also from the wisdom she has gained from her own healing journey.
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[00:00:24] Corissa Stepp, Your Guide on This Journey of Healing, Growth and Empowerment
[00:00:29] Here we share the real stories of women who have faced life's toughest challenges and emerged
[00:00:35] stronger.
[00:00:37] Together with expert insights to light your path forward.
[00:00:40] Whether you're seeking to heal, grow or empower your life after heartache, AwakenHer is here
[00:00:46] to show you that not only has changed possible but you are capable of achieving more than
[00:00:52] you ever imagined.
[00:00:54] Let's dive into today's episode and take another step towards becoming your most
[00:00:58] empowered self.
[00:01:00] That's kind of the message that's given and a lot of what we see in our society is that
[00:01:06] like we feel uncomfortable with grief.
[00:01:09] We feel uncomfortable when you are sad.
[00:01:11] We feel uncomfortable when you want to talk about your feelings for the 5,000th time
[00:01:17] right?
[00:01:18] Like it's okay.
[00:01:20] And we usually find a point where our friends and family go okay aren't you done and
[00:01:26] so that's where reaching out to a coach or a therapist or somebody who can help you process
[00:01:31] those feelings and thoughts can be really helpful and hold that space for you so you
[00:01:35] can just feel all the things.
[00:01:37] Because a lot of times we hold back and we say, well I don't want to put all of this
[00:01:40] on you but I'm still trying to process it.
[00:01:43] So like it still comes out but you don't get the full effect of processing it effectively.
[00:01:49] Yeah.
[00:01:50] And then what I see a lot of times with my clients is they just completely shut
[00:01:53] down.
[00:01:54] They go into a free state or they look to things to numb themselves from actually feeling their
[00:02:01] emotions because like I said it can be very overwhelming.
[00:02:05] And so when they come to me a lot of times we have to do a lot of work around getting
[00:02:11] them out of that free state that feels safe because it's very familiar to them.
[00:02:18] They're dissociated and when you're dissociated it's like you're not feeling your emotions.
[00:02:22] That's what's happening.
[00:02:24] And so we have to do a lot of work with their nervous system to make them feel safe again
[00:02:29] so that they can process the emotions.
[00:02:32] They can feel the emotions and allow them to be expressed in whatever way is most comfortable
[00:02:38] for them.
[00:02:40] And it can be a process and it can take time.
[00:02:43] And so what I would love to just kind of say is that don't let anyone else pressure
[00:02:49] you to move through your process any sooner than you're able to.
[00:02:56] And you might be constricted by the flexibility of your nervous system to do that because
[00:03:00] if you try to do it too fast, too soon, you're going to end up back in that free
[00:03:06] state.
[00:03:07] You're going to end up back in that dissociated not feeling my feeling state because you
[00:03:12] have to survive.
[00:03:13] You have to get through the day, right?
[00:03:15] You kind of go back into that zombie mode of I'm just going to ignore and stuff down
[00:03:20] all of these emotions because they're too much so that I can just get through the next hour,
[00:03:26] the next two hours, the next day and a half or whatever it might be.
[00:03:31] And that's not the right way to kind of go about this.
[00:03:34] So when you're working with clients, I imagine that you're allowing them as
[00:03:39] much time as they need to talk about how they're feeling without feeling judged
[00:03:45] or feeling like they can't share and express what they are going through.
[00:03:50] And they don't have to filter it, which is that's beautiful.
[00:03:54] I love that you're doing this.
[00:03:56] Yeah. And in fact, a grief coaching session is so different than a life coaching session.
[00:04:01] So for me, it's about just holding that sacred space for you to feel
[00:04:06] and process whatever it is.
[00:04:08] There's no agenda on my end.
[00:04:09] It's not like, you know, with life coaching, it's like, by the end of this
[00:04:12] session, I want to be here. No, it's like, what is here?
[00:04:17] That's really the key is like, what is here?
[00:04:19] And then let's sit with it.
[00:04:22] Let's feel it like in your body.
[00:04:24] What does it feel like if you're comfortable going there?
[00:04:26] And not everybody is and that's OK.
[00:04:28] And I'm never going to push anybody beyond where they're comfortable going
[00:04:31] because the client is always in control.
[00:04:34] But like, how do we how do we just be in that?
[00:04:39] And what I find is a lot of clients that I see for grief coaching,
[00:04:44] I don't know if this is just a knack of mind to pull this out of people.
[00:04:47] But I get a lot of anger expressed and I'm like, yeah, let's get in this.
[00:04:53] Like, I'd like feel it.
[00:04:55] Let's let's move it through our bodies because if you hold the anger in your body,
[00:04:59] I mean, you know, like what it does to your nervous system,
[00:05:02] you are stuck and that's not a healthy place to be.
[00:05:06] We can't feel safe to move through those emotions.
[00:05:09] So let's move all of this anger and this energy.
[00:05:13] And so that's that's a big part of what I see happening is that people don't
[00:05:17] feel safe to express the anger and the frustration.
[00:05:20] And so they stuff it, they hold it down and they say it's not polite.
[00:05:24] It's not OK. Nobody wants to hear this.
[00:05:26] I'm going to be considered irrational or erratic or too emotional.
[00:05:32] And so like they come into my session, I'm like, let's get it all out here.
[00:05:36] Like, let's just lay it on the table and see what is here.
[00:05:39] Because once we admit that we feel angry, oh, man, we can move through that so much
[00:05:44] easier. Yeah. And do you find with your clients though that the anger oftentimes
[00:05:48] is masking something underneath that they're too scared to look at?
[00:05:52] It's usually like.
[00:05:54] I think there's an element of like disempowerment.
[00:05:59] Right. We're feeling like we have no choice.
[00:06:03] We're feeling like we can't express ourselves or we're feeling like somebody else
[00:06:07] was in control of our life.
[00:06:11] And so it's about first acknowledging it, recognizing it, moving it and then
[00:06:17] deciding how do I take that power back?
[00:06:20] How do I bring that power back to myself?
[00:06:22] How do I cut those cords of energy that I am leaking out into these other
[00:06:26] people I've had relationships with that I'm still angry about?
[00:06:30] Yeah.
[00:06:31] Yes.
[00:06:33] I think that for the women that I deal with, there's a lot of repressed anger,
[00:06:38] for sure, 100%.
[00:06:40] Because I think especially as women we're taught that anger is not ladylike.
[00:06:45] It's not polite.
[00:06:47] You need to be kind.
[00:06:48] You need to be the good girl.
[00:06:50] And it can feel like it's an unsafe, like you said, an unsafe emotion
[00:06:55] to express.
[00:06:58] Yeah.
[00:06:59] And I think that sometimes when we have that much anger or frustration
[00:07:03] within us, we're afraid to open it up because it feels so big.
[00:07:08] Like what will happen if I let this go?
[00:07:11] Well, it's that idea that if I can stuff it down, I'm controlling it
[00:07:16] in some way.
[00:07:16] And if I let it all out, that uncertainty, the unknown of like, well,
[00:07:22] now I'm going to be out of control can be really scary.
[00:07:25] So it's that fear of the uncertainty.
[00:07:27] The fear of the unknown, the fear of what if I lose control?
[00:07:31] Then what happens?
[00:07:34] Yeah.
[00:07:35] Well, it's kind of like holding a beach ball under the water, right?
[00:07:40] Like at some point it's going to pop out of the water.
[00:07:42] Like you can't hold it forever.
[00:07:44] Yes, absolutely.
[00:07:47] It's interesting that you mentioned beach ball because one of the things
[00:07:49] that my mentor talks about a lot with just trauma in general is that
[00:07:54] or just even stress.
[00:07:56] We all have a swimming pool that is filled with beach balls.
[00:08:01] And depending on how big our swimming pool is or how big the
[00:08:06] beach balls are, we'll depend on how much we can actually hold
[00:08:08] what we're capable of holding within us, right?
[00:08:12] How much stress can we handle?
[00:08:14] How much adversity can our nervous system take on at a given time
[00:08:19] without kind of snapping, you know, without the pool overflowing
[00:08:23] without the balls all popping or falling into the ground and losing control.
[00:08:28] And so, you know, there's this idea that like, because this is
[00:08:32] something I want to say is that if you are going through a living
[00:08:36] loss and someone else you know is going through something similar,
[00:08:40] don't compare yourself to how that other person is processing it
[00:08:44] because they might have fewer beach balls in their swimming pool
[00:08:47] than you do.
[00:08:48] So they might have a greater capacity to handle it.
[00:08:52] But don't make yourself wrong for struggling.
[00:08:55] Don't make yourself wrong for not being quote unquote over it yet.
[00:09:01] Thank you for tuning in to awaken her.
[00:09:03] Today's conversation may have ended, but your journey towards
[00:09:06] healing and empowerment is ongoing.
[00:09:09] Remember, every challenge you face is an opportunity to grow
[00:09:12] stronger and more resilient.
[00:09:14] If our stories today inspired you, consider sharing this
[00:09:17] episode with someone who needs these empowering messages.
[00:09:21] I'm Karissa Stepp, cheering you on as you take the steps to heal,
[00:09:24] grow and transform your life.
[00:09:26] Keep believing in yourself.
[00:09:28] And until next time, stay empowered.